26 January 2011

Perfectly good reasons to be depressed

by Nia

So you're worried that you'll never be attractive again or people think you're stupid or you'll die alone or the recession will shove your family into a lower socioeconomic class. Pfffffft. Trifles.

  • Johnny Depp is 47.
  • The civilization that created chocolate, the greatest food of all time, just upped and died one day. Well, declined very fast and disappeared, anyway.
  • A boob lift looks good when you're fully clothed, but naked you can end up looking like Frankenstein.
  • You did not invent Post-It Notes. Or disposable diapers. Or Google.
  • You will never even work for Google.
  • High levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) are associated with the development of Alzheimer's. So don't stress out or you'll go senile. No pressure.
  • Cellulite. No cure.
  • No religious text on the planet guarantees that when you die, all the cool people who died before you will actually want to hang with you in the afterlife. (Pastor Jayne — please confirm.)

Image: detail of drawing of Mayan glyphs by Diana Griffiths Peck. Remix by M. Rhea.